Guilty As Charged

In a court of law I could never defend myself because I'm guilty and here is the evidence...

Exhibit A:
Bebe and the Sass are staring at a blueberry cobbler in the oven while it is baking.  Beep.  Beep.  The timer goes off.  It is done.  I ask them, "Back up so I can get it out."  They stare at the cobbler.  I say, "Watch out girls.  It's hot.  Back up."  Bebe talks sweetly to the Sass about the blueberries.  I repeat, "Watch out girls.  Back up."  Nothing.  I sigh and roll my eyes.  Then I roar, "MOVE.  I can't open the door with you sitting right there!"  They look shocked that I raised my voice and they finally move.

Exhibit B:
The kids are riding their plasma cars on the back deck. I ask them to please don't crash them into each other or hit the screen door.  And if they do...they'll have to get off of the cars.  I usually throw in a please be careful and watch each others toes.  Two minutes later...boom crunch.  Someone has rammed their riding vehicle into the screen door and knocks it off track, which ranks high on Jason's pet peeve list.  I ask them nicely to PLEASE don't ram into the screen door or they'll have to get off the cars.  "Okay," they say.  Then right in front of my face another will purposefully ram into the screen door and I'm all "Why did you just do what I said NOT to do?  Now you all have to get off the cars".  I don't get it...it's like they would rather play with toys the wrong way for 2 minutes than play as long as they want the right way!

Exhibit C:
It's 4:45 and we're about to leave for soccer practice for Bebe and Sumner.  This is typical...
Me: "Okay everybody, we gotta go in 5 minutes!  Everyone got their shoes, shin guards, water, whatever?  Anybody gotta go to the bathroom before we leave?  Bebe, get your hairbands and I'll put your hair up."

The Peanut Gallery:  "We've got everything.  No, we don't need to go to the bathroom."
Bebe:  "I'm brushing my hair.  I'll put my hair up."

I rush around setting out water bottles and grab my keys, phone, pocketbook, snack for Sass and Saw, etc.
Me: "Okay everybody, 1 minute...please try to go to the bathroom Sawyer."  My eyes scan the counter and see that Sumner still doesn't have his water.  "Sumner get your water."

Sawyer:  "I don't need to go potty."
Sumner:  "I got it," and he grabs his water off the counter.

We get into the car and I as I'm backing out of the driveway I say, "Okay, here we go!"
Sawyer screams, "Wait!  I have to go potty!"

So now we're gonna be late.  After Saw pees in the yard (because the garage door is already closed), we're on our way.  Again.  Halfway to soccer Bebe is still brushing her hair out...no ponytail.
We pull into the soccer field parking lot.  We're about 1-2 minutes late...not too bad.  Unfortunately, Sumner doesn't have his water because he set it down in the garage while walking from the house through the garage to the car.  Brilliant.  Then, I realize Bebe still doesn't have her hair up and she looks at me totally clueless and says, "Mama, can you do a French braid real quick?"  What!?
And if it's my lucky day, Sawyer will say, "I need to go poops."

And people wonder why I am the way I am!  Call me crazy.  I have no defense.  Guilty as charged!